A Blessed Unrest


Kartoffelhaus (Potato House), Sigmar Polke @ MoMA

Hello again, world! It’s been a while. The last time I wrote a proper blog was what seems like decades ago. I think I was in high school and had just started freelancing, which is crazy for me to think about. Aside from Twitter—because who isn’t on Twitter?—and my weird foray into vlogging, I’ve been sort of ‘absent’ for a very large chunk of time, and I want to change that.

Recently, I’ve been feeling a kind of stagnation in my flow of creativity and consequently my work. It’s been niggling at my mind at rather inopportune moments during which I just want to get shit done. I currently work as a forensic statistician—which is a fancy way to say “crazy dude with a shovel”—while taking on the odd design/code-related contract. Even if it is a mouthful, being a forensic statistician isn’t as horrible as it sounds. But it’s not necessarily what I want to keep doing in the future, and it’s made me feel that I’ve lost touch with my design roots.

My portfolio was woefully out of date from neglect and even contained works from my early college days. The website it was on looked like a hot mess. For someone like me who likes to have granular control over what I put out into the world, it’s sort of embarrassing to even mention. There were works in it to which I had a bit of an attachment—even though they didn’t represent my current approach to design and didn’t bring me satisfaction—but I knew that the entire thing had to go.

I felt awful about it for a while, but I also felt that I was itching to let go of my old stuff, and that it would be the first step to redeeming myself to myself and allow for a sort of revival of creativity. Even a lumpy looking brown potato can produce signs of life.

“If there is anything that embodies every aspect of the artist that has ever come under discussion—love of innovation, creativity, spontaneity, productivity, creation complete from within oneself, etc.—it is the potato.” – Sigmar Polke

I’ve had the name ‘atgerard’ in flux for quite some time, but I wanted to turn it into something, and that something became this website. It was a long time in the making, but I hadn’t actually started taking it seriously until a friend of mine suggested that I start blogging again as a way to exercise my creativity. Just the thought got me pretty excited, but I felt—and still kind of do feel—that I don’t have anything to say that hasn’t already been said by someone else. But I was reminded of a quote from a conversation by Martha Graham which gave me the resolve to push through the doubt and just get started.

The idea of this newly blank canvas to me feels both refreshing and scary as hell because until I start creating again, I literally have zero proof that I’m not just Crazy with a blog. I’m definitely not getting any new clients in the interim. But on the other hand, I am starting to feel the urge to create again—of which I’ll definitely be taking advantage—even if it might just be a compulsion to fill in the blank space for now.

I don’t want to place hard limits on the subject matter of this blog, but I think it’s safe to say that in general, I’ll be writing about design, technology, and thoughts about life—in the least pretentious-sounding way I could possibly do so.

To those who are unfamiliar with me and just sort of stumbled upon this post and still read it: welcome, and thank you! To that one person who’s (probably) out there and has been stalking me long enough to remember the old blog: wow/a bit creepy. Either way, please stick around because I’ve already got some interesting stuff in mind I’d like to write to you about!